Confession

I am not a person who can easily relax, especially in mind. I keep thinking if I grew up in the States, I must have been diagnozed of anxiety. Yes, I worry a lot, especially now that i am a mother, my worry is with me almost everyday.

I remember when i was leaving my hometown each semester for college, the first twenty minutes the train slowly pulled out of the station, my chest felt heavy. I was old enough not to cry, but it was some strange sensation in my heart. Once in college on a weekend, i was lying on bed in the empty dorm, I remembered I found my tears sliding down my cheeks like pouring at the thought of not being able to spend more time with my parents---yes, i was calculating how many hours, minutes i would be able to spend with them in the future and realized that it would become less and less.

Now, I am told once in a while by a different person(friend, other moms, etc) that I worry too much. Like last night after putting the kids in bed, I felt the same thing like i was leaving the hometown. My kids are not going anywhere, they are just going to switch to a new school( one with very good reputation and located at my work), but I was worrying. Just like every time something new occurs in their lives, I am holding my breath: Peter's first day in daycare, i locked the car without taking keys out; the night before we moved here and the kids started Peter Pan, my chest felt the same way. Lei was joking about sending them off for college, then I suddenly realized and understood why I saw my mom turned away and wiped her eyes when we said bye at the airport last year.

Anyway, I am hoping i am doing the right thing. Peter should have a better teacher now---after a few contacts with his teacher here, I felt good. Yaya should be ok, she was OK last time. But, I will still worry, I guess.