是不是做妈妈就意味着永远都要发愁？

儿子在幼儿园咬小朋友了。

事发那天，恰好碰上我在别的实验室忙。老师于是没有找到我，打电话通知了老公。老公自然也没有找到我。于是，高高兴兴地接孩子时，当头挨了一棒。

忍着忍着，我没有当众问儿子。从playground进了教室，在洗手间，我终于忍不住，轻轻地问儿子:
--Peter,did you bite some friend today?
儿子低着头，不置可否。
--who did you bite?
--Hannah.
--Why did you bite her?
No answer.
--Do you think it's nice?
--yeah.(儿子小声说)
--No, it's not nice. Can mommy bite you?
--OK.(儿子居然递给我他的小手)
--No, biting is not nice. It feels hurt.

我没有再说什么。我知道这么小的孩子一下子说太多没有用。我照旧耐心地回答孩子的问题，照旧尽力忍着他每天见到妈妈后需要撒的气，尽力满足他提的合理要求和ignore不合理要求。但是我却不能不在心里想搞清楚Peter为什么会咬人。可惜Peter's primary老师已经下班，老公从电话中了解的结论是没有人目睹事情的发生。Peter似乎在playground 的tunnel里玩，之后Hannah想过去或加入，儿子不同意，结果就是小姑娘的大拇指上有个牙印.于是当晚临睡前，我就挖空心思编了些小故事，既阐述了"we don't hit/push/bite our friends"的观点，又没有让儿子觉察我是在指责他。

第二天上午自然是抽空打电话给primary老师(Ms. michelle)，表达歉意，了解情况。谁知了解来的是被咬的孩子没有哭太久，而，自从老师问了他为什么咬人后，Peter一句话没有说就痛哭了半个小时，而且丝毫没有要停的意思。后来老师只好再三告诉他没关系，"let's go play!" 然后才算完事。嗯，我听了心里酸酸的，很疼，很内疚前一天下午自己没有能忍住回家前就在厕所逼问孩子。不过，还是跟老师建议在grounp time时多和孩子们强调以下"we are all friends, friends love each other, not hurt each other..."，老师自然多次安慰我"it is normal for his age.."

不知道是碰巧还是偶然，接下来的一两天Peter有些反常。先是某晚晚上睡觉时由于未能如愿妈妈陪睡，愣是生生地哭了半个小时,哭到妈妈投降为止；然后早上的drop-off，由高高兴兴地和妈妈挥手再见变成突然说什么也不让妈妈离开了。

正当我在自我安慰不要太敏感时，昨天中午,电话又来了"Peter bit again!" 我不记得我都和老师啰嗦了些什么，反正是死气败劣地问人家能不能面谈。当然请求老师在外面玩是多留心Peter，作为一个女儿小时候无辜被咬过的妈妈，我再三强调这种事情真的不能再发生了...这次更加离奇。没有人哭，没有人发现，在playground玩完，老师招呼孩子们line up时发现一个小姑娘(maria)胳膊上有牙印，问谁干的？答:"Peter!"儿子随即又是一言不发，哭了。

有了上回的教训，这次我克制住自己，下午见到儿子一句也没提。晚饭做好，我陪儿子玩，看他还算高兴，就说，
--Peter, did you have a good day at school today?
No answer. busy playing.
--Peter, come here. did you guys talk about friends at school today?
--Yeah.
--Tell mommy, who is your friend.? What are their names?
No answer. standing there, seem lost.
--Is Jocelyn your friend?(Peter's best friend)
--Yeah!
--How about Hannah?
--No, no way!
--Why?
--Because she bit me on my fingers!

I was shocked! completely shocked! I don't know how much I can trust Peter's words---he is a silly boy sometimes, enjoying acting or talking goofy. But my mind was like, going very fast, "was it because he was bitten first that's why he bit back? Was it because he was somehow offened?"

Unfortunately, Peter would not want to talk about this anymore. I have no way to find out the truth since in both cases, no one really witnessed anything. All I know was to teach him how to use his words to tell his friend "No, I don't like it!" "No, I am not done yet, wait for your turn!" But honestly, how much a 2.5 year old can really use in the real situation is really out of my control. And plus, he did not really seem to enjoy playing with mommy about this kind of game. :(

于是我就回到了N年前。一直以为当过一次妈妈后对老二就不会再那么那么在意，一直以为我已经不再是N年前为了孩子的frustration会睡不着觉，上不好班，吃不下饭的新妈妈了，可早上听着儿子的哭声离开幼儿园，自己一天呆坐在办公室才知道，再生一打，我也还是我.