Ick!

Ever since we had Yaya, I did not remember we went on any shopping trip exlusively for me and Lei. Therefore it is reasonable for the fact that I started to hate shopping and neither Lei or I got any new clothes after Peter came along. Of course, almost all the friends are criticizing me for losing myself for the kids and Lei has been complaining that I lost sight of him and myself. So, after a long time thinking and debating, I finally made up my mind that I will go shopping, not for the kids, for myself!

When I told a friend on Friday, she was so happy that I could make the first step and we agreed to take both families into the mall, and let the husbands stay with the kids in the play area, and she would accompany me to do some shopping(it does not really matter whether we buy anything or not, the most important thing, according to my friend, is to let go of the kids and hubby for a day in my brain). Honestly, I was actually a little excited about this and looked forward to a change. Even though I want to be a good mom, I begin to realize more and more that it is not good for me to completely forget about myself. Anyway, I was glad that Lei was very supportive in this matter and so did friend's hubby.

But somehow, I had this bad feelings. By the time I went to bed last night, i was not feeling very well. Then, I heard Peter crying when it was still dark outside, however, i did not struggle to get up because my body was as heavy as a rock. Then I heard Lei went to the bathroom, then he went to the kitchen. At that point, I knew something must be wrong--I managed to get up and Lei was surprised when i asked"Is Peter having a fever?""How did you know?" I just knew. Maybe it was a mom's instinct, maybe I knew because I was not very optimistic about me thinking of change of my life attitude.

You can then imagine our Saturday--early morning call to let friend's family know that we will stay home. None of us were very thrilled about staying home on some a beautiful summer day. But we did get to a nearby park for Yaya to burn some of her energy, Peter was not active as usual. I was still not feeling well, both physically and in mind. besides the low fever i was running too, i was sort of dissapointed, worried.. Peter was doing OK, hopefully tomorrow he could feel OK and does not have to suffer much this time(my fingers are crossed).