To my 4-year-old daughter

Dear Yaya,

Finally it is your birthday! You have been counting for the past months, everytime there's someone's B-day, you would wonder and ask when it will be your turn. Just looking at you hopping up and down with your arms stetching up high in the living room, the big smile on your face and "yeeeeaaahhhh" when mommy handed you the "I am 4 years old today" pad for you to wear on your dress, we can imagine how happy and excited you must have been! Happy birthday, my dear baby.

It just feels so unreal, unbelievable that you are already 4. I still remember the first day when i found out that i was pregnant (with you), i lost my tears because i was scared and did not think that i was ready, your daddy cried too, but because he was so excited at the news. The following months after that we had been so careful, about everything i did, i eat, and even the way daddy talked to me. We cared so much about the health of you, and we did everything we could to make it best for you to come. I still clearly remembered the moment when you were first put in my arms, you were so tiny little and skinny, with those two little eyes closed tightly. Daddy spent the whole night rocking you so that you would stop crying the first day we went home from hospital and you did scare us by pooing over 10 times a single night. And the first month, mommy cried almost everyday because i had some problem with my breast, whenever you sucked, i was in servere pain, but i knew you needed the milk. Before we realized it, you were growing and growing so fast, your weight and height jumped right up to over 90%, and yes, you were such a good eater. But you never wanted to sleep, unless someone rocked you. And when grandma left because grandpa was sick in China, she told mommy at airport with tears all over her face "be sure to find someone nice to take care of her..." Unfortunately, we were not lucky. Mommy and daddy were not able to find somebody trustful to take care of you and we began to take working shifts, just so that at least one of us would be able to stay home with you... It was not easy for mommy, by working form 7am to 12pm and stayed with you till night waiting for daddy to come home, but who said it was easy for daddy to stay with you in the early morning and worked until late night, sometime even after 10pm? However, we were so happy to see you grow everyday, and to be there for you and watch your little face full of curiousities and expressions. Time went by fast and you were lucky to have dad's parents over to watch you when you were 5 months old. They were so good to you that the only thing we needed to worry was not to let them spoil you. Grandpa liked to carry you whenever he could, and for grandma, you were simply the only one that i saw her losing her tears for.

Yaya, don't you think you are so lucky to have so many people in the world loving you? Is that why you are such a sweet little girl? When daddy was tired and lying on the floor watching you guys the other day, you gave him a pillow to make him more comfortable; when mommy's tired or upset, you could always find some words so warm and sweet to soothe me; when Peter was screaming and crying in the carseat, you would sing different songs and keep talking non-stop just to cheer him up. You are just a kid, how can you know so much? Even on your own birthday, mommy and daddy wanted to give you a special treat by spending the afternoon alone with you, you cried while running back to school yelling "peter, i want to get peter" when we took you out school earlier and Peter happened to see us leaving. You are only 4, but sometimes you seem to understand so much about other's needs, and mommy only wish, your fragile little heart will not be hurt. You care so much about other people, but my dear, not all the people will treat you the same.

You know mommy have been constantly commented by some friends as over-protective about you for the past 4 years. But i guess i do not regret it seeing you overcome your weakness little by little and hopefully when you grow up, you will not blame me for that either. Because you are so special, your sensitivity, your shyness and everything about you, mommy is so confident that i am the one who know you best. Daddy and I have tried our best to give you our encourgement, let you take your own time, and treat you as a little person instead of a kid who should only listen to and follow us. But you know i am not perfect, mommy yells, sometimes. You once debated me " were you nice to me when you were tired?" when mommy tried to tell you it is not an excuse to be rude just because you are tired. Yes, you were right, mommy wasn't always patient and i want o let you know though, now i am thinking of what you said to me whenever i an at the edge of losing my temper. I am so glad that i had you, because i found myself growing too, towards acting more mature and thinking more delibratedly. You are completing me too. I am also very pleased to see that now you become more and more like your daddy. Your mellow and pleasant personality makes you popular among all your friends. Anyone who stays with you for a couple of hours can feel that you are a very special kid and such a good listener. Thank you Yaya.

Now that you are 4, we will look forward to the day when you turn 5, 6... I know one day you will grow up and leave us behind and go on your own life. It feels so cruel and scary just to think of that for a second. That's why we will continue to cherish every minute we have with you, we will do our best for your healthy development. Like mommy keeps telling you, we will always love you no matter what, whether you are good or not. I love you, Yaya.

Mommy